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Every loaf of bread is a tragic story of grains that could`ve become beer, but didn`t
Jealously is something you’re good at when you suck at everything else.
When i am bored, i like parking along side the xpressway stick a hair dryer out the window, and watch everyone slam on their brakes.
Apparently not checking the mail is not a valid excuse for not paying your bills. The more you know.
Tennis is like marrying for money. Love means nothing.
I made a huge TO DO list for this weekend. I just can`t figure out who`s going to do it.
Just saw a cop that had a U-Haul pulled over on the side of the road. Obviously he was trying to bust a move.
hey single people..tomorrow is officially `rebound day` after all the ridiculously high romantic expectations end in `epic fail`
Hash browns not tags.
Life hack: If you keep your mouth shut, no one will know you`re so stupid
I have found my sleep number and it is eleven, eleven beers.
When someone wants to talk behind your back, FART!
The true trollers are the ones who troll the trolls.
I’m having a free beer contest tonight. The 1st person to bring me a case of beer gets to watch me drink it. FOR FREE!