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You all take typos way too serious, you gays.
When they discover the center of the universe, alot of people will be shocked they`re not in it.
When we are small, our mom`s would use really small forks as spoons to feed us...But what about Chinese moms? Would they use toothpicks?
A friend of mine asked what it`s like to raise a small toddler so I coughed directly in his mouth
It`s so cold Miley Cyrus got her toungue stuck on her wrecking ball
My mom wanted to talk to me about my maturity today, but she didn`t know the password to my secret fort.
Junk food would be a lot easier to avoid if it actually tasted like junk.
Guy tip of the day: To avoid arguments about the toilet seat, use the sink...
I`ve heard that men that are married live longer, but i`ve also heard that men that have sex live longer. Anybody know which one of them is true?
You know you’re ugly when it comes to a group picture and they hand you the camera.
I’m glad we don’t have to hunt for our food any more. I don’t even know where sandwiches live...
Spontaneity is great ... as long as I have a plan.
I just saved a lot of money in child support by switching to condoms!
A wasp just landed on my balls. Hardest decision of my life.
Those days where you don`t take anyone`s sh!t ... Yeah, today is one of those days.