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You look happy. Let me see what I can do about that. - Life.
Much to my daughters horror, I just sang along to Ace of Base`s “The Sign” at full volume in a van full of her friends. Being a dad is fun!
My next relationship will be with someone who thinks "Wine" is a perfectly acceptable answer when he asks what`s for dinner.
Thought I had $707 in my bank account, turns out it was "LOL" and I was holding my statement upside down.
I gauge a person’s wealth by the level of protection on their iPhone. No case, huge salary.
Anytime my boss leaves her office, I sneak in there and fart.
What doesn`t kill you makes you have lots of hospital bills.
How much time has to pass before grave robbing is considered archaeology?
I`m thinking about remodeling my bathroom and thanks to all your selfies I`m getting some great ideas!!.....
I’m so old, I can remember going through a whole day without taking a picture of anything.
I party like a rockstar. A very poor rockstar who isn`t in a band.
I`m going to hire two private detectives to follow each other .
Mail from Grandma: FW:FW:FW:FW:FW:FW:FW:FW:No subject
Friday. The golden child of the weekdays. The superhero of the workweek. The welcome wagon to the weekend. The famous F word we thank God for every week.
Not a day goes by when I don`t try to use The Force.