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I`ll never understand those people who say, "I mainly use facebook for my family." And I`m thinking to myself..."Umm...isn`t that what real life is for?"
The cashier at the dollar store told me to have a good day. Like my purchase of shelf liner suggested any other plan.
Dogs lick each other`s butts to tell each other they like them. Just like politicians
Too bad you can’t get abs from laughing at your own jokes, because I would have an 8 pack.
People who say `expresso` instead of `espresso,` may I axe you to please stop? Thanx.
I´m a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I am perfect!
Dear facebook, please quit asking me what`s on my mind. Eventually I`m going to get in trouble if I keep telling you.
Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn`t much, but the reception was excellent.
Thank you for showing me your Facebook wedding album. Now if you have time, here is a slideshow of my top 36 scores in Mario Kart
I’m glad MTV has shows like Teen Mom 3 so girls have good role models besides Miley.
Being gay is fine. Being lesbian is fine. Being straight is fine. But do you know what’s not fine? Wearing crocs. That is NOT okay
I hate brushing my teeth at night because that signifies that you cant have anymore food and im just never ready for that kind of commitment
Do a little dance, make a little love, pay child support.
Take my advice; I don’t use it anyway.
No one on Earth has a higher tolerance to cold temperatures than someone who wants to smoke a cigarette.