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Big shoutout to whoever decided the ? and ! should be next to each other on an iPhone. That typo hasn’t made me look insane 10,000 times.
I`m just a few smartphone apps away from never having to talk to anyone again.
All guys should learn from Mario Bros. No matter how far their princess is, they should go after her.
I enjoy shopping online because at least I don`t have to act all shocked when my credit card gets declined.
I keep myself in just good enough shape to outrun most women and small children during emergencies.. :|
Every time I use a public bathroom, I always wonder why so many people have Sharpies on them at all times.
Statistics say that 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea. Does that mean that 1 enjoys it?
Flight to Vegas...guy in front of me has a bouquet made up of dollar bills. Pro Tip: That stripper will never marry you bro.
A trail of clothes leading to my bedroom means that I dropped them on the way from the dryer
If I could time travel, I`d make sure the guy who made up the word Walkie-Talkie got to name more things.
Girls, dont read this please: Hey guys, isn`t it funny how our wives/or girlfirends really think that we care what they did that day? lol.....it never gets old.
Adding "and sh!t" at the end of a sentence can make anything sound thug. Example: I was playing with my bubbles and sh!t.
Don’t compare yourself to others, that’s when you start to lose confidence in yourself.
My wife wrote an email to me saying she was concerned that we have communications issues. I immediately sent an IM asking her to clarify. She messaged me on Facebook saying not to worry but that sometimes we’re not as connected as she’d like. I tweeted her that I love her more than anything. She texted me that she loves me too and sent me a poem on Pinterest explaining how tired she was after a long day of work leading to her email. So I leaned over and kissed her good night.
I surveyed 100 women on what shampoo they prefer while showering 95% said How the hell did you get in here!!!