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I`ve spent my whole life trying to find a girl with a psychiatric disorder that makes her think she`s a woodpecker.
Is glad Christmas is near i sure need new coloring books and crayons ..
Am I the only one who calculates how much sleep I can get before I go to bed?
I took a sexual harassment course this afternoon.... I think I am going to be pretty good at it.
If someone hates you for no apparent reason, give them one.
The batteries in my electric toothbrush died before I finished. I`ve never sympathized more with women in my life.
A 6-month wait when filing for divorce, but only a 15-day wait when buying a gun. I think the solution for relationship problems is clear.
Given the places I`ve had my tongue, no we cannot "just be friends".
High fiving was the original "like".
Just got legitimately excited when I remembered I can pay a person to drive a pizza to my house
I`ve been told I`m doing exceedingly well in my exaggeration therapy class, I think it`s because I`ve been giving it 180 percent.
Yesterday I fell off a 50 foot ladder. It`s probably a good thing I was on the bottom step...
The wifes exhausted as she`s had some hot steamy action lately, But at least the ironing basket is empty
Alarm clocks should come with sounds like "tiny doll feet scampering into the closet" because I am not hitting snooze when I hear that.
The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!