Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Just got back from a vacation in Nevada...turns out that money can by you love.
That microwavable meal was delicious and filling! – no one ever
Sometimes, I like to stalk random strangers vacation pic`s, and tag myself as one of the people in the background just for laughs.
Everyday I’m shoveling. – Winter 2014
My neighbors look at me in a very weird way.. it’s like they never saw a guy with binoculars before.
Wow! Sit-Downs are way easier than Sit-Ups!
I hate when I`m on Facebook and I`m rudly interrupted by a jogger bouncing off my windshield
There are two ways to go about arguing with a woman and neither one works.
It`s hard to take life serious once you realize people jamming their genitals in each others mouths is considered a sign of affection.
I act like Pacman at parties. I walk around the room eating everything in site and avoiding everyone.
How to meet a girl: 1) Walk into a bar. 2) Shout “Heroes in a half shell.” 3) When a girl yells back “Turtle Power,” marry her.
The Mrs said she we need a "conversation piece" in the living room. I`m thinking taco cart...
Good news: I finally got my computer connected to the wireless printer. Bad news: not sure which house I need to go to get my documents.
If I have nosy neighbors, I always like to dig five 7 ft. x 3 ft. x 6 ft. holes in the back yard and every couple of days, Fill one in.
Of course women have cleaner minds than men. They change them much more often