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To be truthful,,, I have never unrolled a sleeping bag and been able to roll it back up any smaller than the size of a garage.
Guinness for breakfast because its Ireland somewhere.
Famous people could rob banks wearing masks of themselves and they`d never get caught.
Why does everybody call it a "hot water heater?" It`s really a cold water heater.
When one door closes and another one opens, it`s time to pack up and leave because your house is clearly haunted.
Uhm, excuse me waiter... I`d like to return my food. It only received 5 likes on Instagram.
"Well that can`t be right." - dogs watching us catching balls with our hands
The Kids today just don`t appreciate the colors and flavors of Dial soap like I do
I`d like to have a child one day ... Two days, tops.
Buys Mega-Millions ticket. Has a better chance of being hit by lightning in a cave.
I just spent a lot of time trying to form a thought when it would`ve been easier to just say, "F*ck it."
I`m old enough to remember when having a long cord on the home phone was privacy.
If people would moan loudly during a pat down, the line would move much quicker.
The other night, I posted on Facebook I was going to sleep shirtless. The next day I logged on and saw 7 mosquitoes "like" this.
The only thought I have for the weather lately is that someone somewhere is losing a game of Jumanji.