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Good thing girls started uploading pictures next to a pool with the caption "Summer is finally here!" or we wouldn`t have known it`s summer.
It was love at first sight...I should have looked twice.
Lil Wayne is 10% African-American and 90% tattoo.
Live in the moment. Unless the moment sucks. Then live on Facebook.
Can someone else be a sex symbol today? ... My good T-shirt is still in the wash...
if your an astronaut, and you don`t end a relationship with "look, I just need space.." then your wasting everyones time
It`s amazing how I come up with my best status updates when I`m in the shower or when I`m driving. I think it has a lot to do with me being naked.
We have so much in common. You want to travel and I want you to go.
Target had a credit card breach? But only with in-store purchases, not online? More proof you`re better off staying home with no pants on.
You gotta hand it to blind prostitutes
If you hold a 40oz bottle to your ear you can hear the ghetto.
You fake your smile daily, then judge people for getting a fake tan.
True Story: People will believe you when start a story saying "True story"
My last request: At my funeral, someone come up at the end and padlock my coffin shut, just to freak everyone out.
I always put in a full eight hours at work. Spread out over the course of the week.