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I just had a moment of clarity. Glad that`s over with.
Work is the result of failing to procrastinate effectively.
You know you`re getting old when bending over is a one-way trip.
Lets be honest. Half of life is messing up and half is frantically trying to fix it.
I`m looking up in the sky and I have no idea which cloud has all my data
At the start of every relationship many girls treat their boys as a GOD but later the alphabets are reversed
This Tequila tastes like an afternoon of fun and bad decisions.
If it’s the thought that counts, then I should probably be in jail
Facebook should allow people to be in a relationship with food. That would be my relationship for eternity.
I don`t get why girls get so offended by sexist jokes..I think they are just ovary-acting. Seriously..
If your online dating profile says "I don`t have sex on the first date" then that`s why you`re on a dating website.
Finally got this fire hydrant open, but there was like, the opposite of fire inside
I am really getting tired of every time I go out people use me for my body. You know, to shade them from the sun and all.
The only thing instant glue sticks to instantly is fingers.
My kid go from "omg...you`re impossible I can`t wait until I`m 18!" To "You`re the best mom ever" in a matter of $100