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So you`ll be able to buy Girl Scout Cookies online this year ... Your move Weight Watchers
How is it that when you are dead and a zombie you can rip open a man`s ribcage, but when you are alive you struggle with a bag of chips?
?-- that guy is cute ?
When i am bored, i like parking along side the xpressway stick a hair dryer out the window, and watch everyone slam on their brakes.
I`d walk barefoot across an ocean of Legos for you.
If you can read this please let me know – because it means I blocked the wrong person.
Isn`t it ironic that crocodiles like water and people who wear Crocs are douchbags. Ok, maybe I don`t know what ironic means.
$5.99 Trojan condoms or $19.99 Huggies diapers. Choose wisely...
Why don`t strip clubs do Black Friday? It would be the one place I would camp out to go in.
At what age is it appropriate to tell my friends that they`re imaginary?
Hey sorry I’m late, I didn’t want to come.
Treat your mom to a margarita this mothers day! Remember you`re the reason she drinks.
Occasionally, I like to take a look through my old status updates and smile at my sparkling wit.
Most bags of sand live a tough life stopping floods. But some, the lucky ones, live a leisurely life tied to the basket of a hot air balloon