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Thinking about starting a line of realistic welcome mats with things like "Please don`t stay long!" or "I hope you brought booze."
Anything worth taking seriously is worth making fun of.
I have no words to describe this day. I do however have a number of obscene gestures that would work.
I`m always surprised when heavily tattooed couples have a baby and it comes out blank
MAN LAW 101: No man should ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man.
Yes, milk from cows tastes nice. But to the person that first found that out...you have issues bro
Kleptomaniacs always take things literally.
My friend told me that bigamy was having one wife to many. I thought that was called monogamy.
My favorite part of the movie The Notebook is where I turned it off and watched Terminator 2 instead.
If I weren´t such an alcoholic I would throw my drink in your face
I’m in no shape to exercise.
LOL` the biggest lie on the internet.
Life is hard ... It`s harder if you`re stupid.
Having to cash in my State Quarter Collection`s map for gas money is reaching a new low.
Practising my breast stroke, so if I ever get a girlfriend I dont do it wrong...