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So apparently the numbers on the toaster are minutes? I`ve thought for years it was degree of toasty-ness.
When I`m home alone, every noise I hear is a serial killer
What I learned from Titanic was that you need to have sex as soon as possilble with the person you like cause you never know what might happen.
You look over-medicated. What`s your doctor`s name?
The part of "no" that I don´t understand is the part where I don´t get what I want
I love using my GPS, problem is I can`t find it.
Ever get the feeling someone is watching you when you sleep? Yeah, sorry about that.
Never trust a married guys opinion of who`s hot. It`s like asking a starving guy what food tastes good.
Self-Checkout lanes were invented by a guy who was sent out to buy tampons.
Everything I like is expensive, illegal, or won’t text me back.
I would probably die of sleep deprivation if Facebook added a dislike button
My opinion of yoga pants varies depending on if I`m at the gym or if I`m at Walmart
Juvenile humor My friend David lost his ID. We just call him Dav now. Here`s your sign..................
I don`t have dirty mind ...I just hav a sexy imagination. ..
I wish I loved anything as much as rappers love female dogs and gardening tools