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Nothing says you`re ugly like Facebook asking, "are you sure you want to make this your profile picture ?"
Of course it`s you....there`s no f*cking way it`s me.
Can`t afford P90X or INSANITY workout videos? Go find a wasp nest and slap the sh!t out of it. Never knew I could shadow box,bicycle kick,and twirl while floating.
If you see me drinking coffee from a to-go cup in public after 3 pm, that coffee is booze in disguise.
Lady: what Colour are my eyes? Man: 34D
Was asked what I look for in a relationship. Apparently, "A way out" wasn`t the right answer...
There`s a fine line between crazy and free spirited and it`s usually a prescription.
I wish my personality allowed me to write deep and meaningful statuses sometimes, oh well. Titties!
I would eat a lot more healthy food if it required no preparation or stayed fresh as long as junk food.
So another day has come and gone and I still haven`t used algebra
I wonder if dogs ever wake up in the morning and think "dear god please don`t take me jogging with you today"?
All I need to know about you is defined by whether you ask for a cup or a cone when ordering ice cream.
I don`t make enough money to go on vacation so I`m just going to get drunk this weekend until I don`t know where I am.
Well another funny thing about this status is, by the time your done reading this, you realize it talks about absolutely nothing and you just wasted your time. Welcome to Facebook.
I was worried my notifications had stopped working but luckily Iām just unpopular.