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Autocorrect is a great feature, but it can also be your worst enema.
I think I will start calling my wife "My Customer" since she is always right...
is spending my children´s inheritance.
People should be loved. Things should be used. Unfortunately, we have it backwards
Always remember, it`s better to arrive late than to arrive ugly.
These people keep looking at me like I`m the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
It’s hard to tell if I’m dealing really well with life these days or if I just don’t give a sh!t.
University; It`s like being unemployed, but your parents are proud of you.
Always end a conversation with "gotta run" so people think you`re into fitness
Fact: Pornos aren`t based on actual events.
Shout-out to nature for not giving wings to snakes
am feeling lazy......... jst like the guy who desighned the Japannese flag
My last request: At my funeral, someone come up at the end and padlock my coffin shut, just to freak everyone out.
Plan to be spontaneous - tomorrow.
I just don`t get life insurance. Why would I want to give my family a financial incentive to kill me?