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New Subway rule: You must give the person in front of you a wedgie if they take more than 5 seconds to choose what kind of bread they want.
According to this bathroom stall,,, my ex changed her number again.
Ice cream is clearly God`s way of telling us he likes us a little bit chubby.
That awkward moment when you`re telling the truth, but start laughing like crazy and everyone thinks you`re lying.
If someone says "I`m a sub-par golfer" does that mean they`re good at golf, or bad?
I`m awesome...just ask me...!!!!
Calling all men...Eboli can live up to two months in semen..YES! You better wash your socks.
I`m at my neighbor`s house having the most delicious dinner. Hope I finish before they get home!
If women would start naming their periods like hurricanes it would be alot easier for us men to remember which argument you are referring to.
The differance between flirting and sexual harrassment ... If you`re attrative, it`s flirting.
There are plenty of fish in the sea, but I like women.
Sorry if my phone keeps calling you, it`s voice activated. I`m at the mall and everytime santa says Ho, Ho, Ho, it dials your number
Boss: "Are you texting?" Me: "No, I`m Tweeting." Boss: "What`s the difference?" Me: "Texting would imply that I have friends."
Keep it up and I`ll make sure u end up on a milk carton.
My desire to be well informed is currently in deep conflict with my need to stay sane.