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If a man speaks at sea where no women can hear, is he still wrong?
The doctor told me I need more greens in my diet. So I have switched to mint Oreos.
Let`s simplify this. Deliver a pizza to me every night unless I call.
I don’t know if I have a stalker, but if I do, could you drop off some milk. Thanks.
I hope we`re friends until we die and then I hope we stay ghost friends and walk through walls and scare the sh!t out of people.
My favorite sexual position is pretty much any of them. I`m just glad to be involved.
At work, sometimes I secretly brew decaf coffee in the normal pot so that everyone else works at my pace.
OMG!! IT`S MONDAY ... What the f*ck do you think comes after Sunday, Sunday JR. ?
What do you mean I should be more productive? Do you think this cocktail made itself?
gave up trying to understand women years ago. Women understand women and they hate each other.
If you have no internet history you silently admit wrong doing.
My new diet is not buying things at the store that make the cashier say wow someone`s having a party
When my dog sniffs another dog’s poop I can only assume that it’s their equivalent to checking a friend’s facebook page.
All I’m saying is, you’ve never seen me crying and eating tacos at the same time.
I saw some ducks practicing their teenage girl faces at the pond today.