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If you live in a custom-built house that doesn’t have a secret room hidden behind a fake bookcase, then seriously what is the point?
Exercise? More like extra fries.
Remember years ago when we didn`t have facebook and we had to take pictures of our food and get the film developed at the chemist get all your friends round your house and show them what you have been eating ...the good old days
Yes, I know why you pulled me over. I didn`t see you in your little hiding spot over there, so I couldn`t slow down in time.
One time I asked some girl what she was thinking. By the time she finished her thought we had 2 children.
I`m glad I know sign language. It`s pretty handy.
I`m easily influenced... That`s why I try not to watch too much porn
what is the difference between a Fly and a mosquito? ``A fly can fly, But a Mosquito can`t mosquito``
Interviewer: "What did you like best about your last job?" Me: "Sometimes, people had birthdays and there was free cake."
Advertising taught me that hair conditioner makes you move in slow motion.
I just read an article about the dangers of drinking that scared the crap out of me. That`s it. No more reading!
If it makes you feel better, don’t call it “Premature Ejaculation.” Call it “Speed Dating”
Sometimes I send status updates from my phone so it looks like I left the house.
"F*ck that sh!t", is a perfectly acceptable replacement for the word "no"
I call in sick on full moons just to make them wonder.