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Do you ever have the urge to tell someone to shut up even when they aren`t talking?
I don`t believe women belong in the kitchen... because men are better at that too
I keep trying to avoid trouble but I think it likes me.
Hmmmm what should I buy myself for Valentines day.
I`m home by myself this evening. My wife is out at Kohl`s buying another load of laundry.
Renewed my "Man Card" today, by going out in the cold, drizzly weather to cut firewood. In other news, police are investigating sightings of a chainsaw wielding maniac in the my area. I hope the catch that nut job!
Why haven’t we just found someone ballsy enough to dress up as Mrs Bigfoot and catch him already?
Sad Fact- Boobie traps seldom involve boobies.
Being an adult is basically a "choose your own adventure" book, but every choice sounds terrible.
YouTube "This video is not available in your country". where the hell am I from? NARNIA?
Money can’t buy you happiness? Well, poverty can’t buy you anything.
Google must be a woman...it knows everything.
When I`m all out of alcohol...haha! Just kidding! I`d never let that scenario become a reality.
Texting while sitting at a stop light: Helping save lives every day by preventing T-bone collisions with drivers who run red lights. Because of that extra minute it takes for you to realize that the light has turned green, the driver who has no regard for the safety of others entering the intersection legally, can now safely clear the intersection without causing a collision. For this, we thank you.
I just don`t get life insurance. Why would I want to give my family a financial incentive to kill me?