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If I could choose any one mythological creature to become alive & real, I`d have to pick: My girlfriend.
Girls love shoes… so if she throws one at you, you know she’s really pissed off.
I told the monster in my closet that coming out of of there would make him gay, haha problem solved ....
One good thing about having kids is that they are sick every time I get invited to something I don`t want to do.
People that walk behind cars get exhausted
dear journal..im now the coolest kid in school....mom:SWEETIE THE CHESSCLUB IS HERE 4 U!!!
"Stay out of the heat & stay hydrated." Thank you news-anchor. It`s my first summer.
Not to brag, but I don`t even need alcohol to make really bad decisions.
why do wise people never make wisecracks?
Don´t worry ... It only seems kinky the first time.
Messing up a guy’s hair = cute. Messing up a girl’s hair = putting your life on the line.
Fun Fact: Vegetarians live up to nine years longer than meat-eaters. Nine horrible, tedious, meaningless, worthless, meatless years.
No means no! Unless she`s dyslexic; then it`s on!
What`s wrong with having your mind in the gutter all the time?! If it weren`t for the gutter, my mind would be homeless!!!
"it`s the thought that counts" doesn`t include showering. You have to actually do that.