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I`ve polished the mirror in the bathroom so much, you can see your face in it.
If you watch Intervention backwards, it`s about a person partying hard after an awful family reunion.
Checklist: Poke People ? Delete People ? Block People ? Send Friend Requests ? Accept Friend Requests ? Ignore Chats ? Make Stupid Photoshop Pics With My Face ?....Morning chores all done.
I`d walk barefoot across an ocean of Legos for you.
Nothing f*cks up your Friday like realizing that it’s only Thursday.
Mistakes married men make: 1. Doing things. 2. Not doing things. 3. Thinking about doing things. 4. Not thinking about doing things.
My girlfriend JUST spent the ENTIRE day arguing that she isn`t stubborn.. :|
I don`t know why people say "your guess is as good as mine"? ..because my guesses are always better. ;)
This girl says she wants me to butter her muffin ... I don’t even know what that means, but now I’m hungry.
The world would be a better place if we all got along like the "Price is Right" audience.
I`m alone in my car ... Counting it as a vacation.
If you don’t already hate people, the mall is a great place to start.
I just spent a lot of time trying to form a thought when it would`ve been easier to just say, "F*ck it."
They say milk is good for your teeth..you know what else is good for your teeth..minding your own damn buisness
Today I caught myself smiling… I was thinking of you… Don’t flatter yourself though, it was because you had a booger in your nose the last time I saw you.