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I don’t care if it’s 4 A.M. I don’t consider it “tomorrow” until I wake up.
So I just saw a donkey crossing the road. The cool thing was he looked both ways before crossing. What a smart a$$.
Mary, mary quit contrary, watched their garden thrive. The cops found seed of a very odd weed; Now they`s doing three to five.
My brain is about as well organized as the Walmart $5 dvd bin.
The best thing about humans is that many of the richest and most prosperous among us collect bottles of rotten grape juice.
It’s funny how people get mad when you treat them the same way they treat you.
My inner child has a bottle of vodka in one hand, a whip in the other and a broken halo sticking out of her back pocket.
Instead of “single” as a relationship option, it should read “independently owned and operated”
If life is unfair to everyone, doesn`t that make life fair?
Be the best you can be, while being the worst that you`re able to get away with.
what I hate about technology is that even my book ran out of batteries
I need chapstick on my lips ... anyone want to share ?
Women are like bacon, they smell great, taste delicious and kill you slowly. Men are like bacon because we`re pigs.
If you grew up wanting to be a Plumber or a Pizza delivery boy, You watched too much porn as a kid.
I just found a $100 bill laying on the floor in the checkout lane. I don`t even have to try to find out who lost it, because it`s the same color, and has the same picture on it as the one I lost 2 years ago!! WooHoo, talk about fate huh??!!