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I always take a number at the deli, and I`ve been keeping them.... Eventually I`ll have all the numbers and it will always be my turn.
I hate to choose sides, but if forced, I`ll aggressively side with the person paying my bar tab.
My life has a great cast, but I can’t figure out the plot.
The Discovery Channel should be on a different channel every day.
Hello...
I got in touch with my feminine side today... I made myself a sandwich.
Accidentally walking through the camping aisle at Target every once in a while is about as outdoorsy as I get.
I might get a job cleaning mirrors,its a job I can see myself doing.
When you say "9 out of 10 forest fires are caused by humans." All I hear is "there`s a bear out there that knows how to use matches."
We’re all mature until somebody brings out the bubble-wrap.
Can I use my Mastercard to make my Visa payment?
You know you can`t say "happiness" without saying "p*nis"
I want to get a welcome mat for my front door that just says "Text Me"
Most friends with benefits have such high deductibles that you`ll always be paying way too much out of pocket.
You washed your hands? Be honest. Your hands washed each other, and you just watched like a sick freak.