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I learned most of what I know about dropping pianos on people from cartoons.
Lil Wayne is 10% African-American and 90% tattoo.
Nobody on television curses more than the Roadrunner.
I`ve been hitting "remind me later" for about the last 4 years on Adobe.
It’s hard to tell if I’m dealing really well with life these days or if I just don’t give a sh!t.
If god can artificially inseminate someone, why did he need two of every animal on the ark to repopulate the world?
I just realized that when I murder someone my neighbors will describe me as "quiet"
My New Years Resolution is to be more positive and less sarcastic...I wonder how long this bull$hit fantasy will last.
I`ve found the most effective way to get an attractive guy to fall for me is by simply using my charm... and then a stun gun.
I`d like to thank Tetris for making me really good at loading my dishwasher.
Can I use my Mastercard to make my Visa payment?
I dropped my affordable health care because I couldn`t afford it .
If someone threw a rock and knocked me off my donkey, would I be stoned off my a$$?
What I lack in vocabulary, I make up for in…you know...stuff...and...things...
Adulthood is basically sadness and paying bills.