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Is it rude to throw breath mints in someones mouth while they`re talking?
Eventually I will find Bigfoot and he will tell me all he knows about Hide & Seek.
Something I never said as a kid: My book stopped working.
The whole purpose of vacationing is to make you appreciate knowing where the channels are at home.
Deja poo. The feeling that you`ve heard this sh!t before.
Sometimes people try to expose what`s wrong with you, because they can`t handle what`s right about you.
I still dunno why they say cats have 9 lives. My cat only eats & sleeps all day long. It has no life at all!
I`ll go to great lengths to scavenge other devices for batteries, before I will go out to buy new ones
There are 364 days till Christmas and people already have their Christmas lights up. Unbelievable.
Some days, the supply of available curse words is insufficient to meet my demands.
My boss was all, "Do you know why I called you to the office, " and I was like, "I dunno is there a hidden security camera in the bathroom."
Q: What is the best thing God ever created? A: The vagina. Q: What was the worst thing God ever did? A: Put women in charge of them.
Don`t blame me, I was born awesome ;)
You`re pretty cocky for someone with such a small ... vocabulary.
If only losing weight was as easy as losing my cell phone, my keys, my temper, or even my mind ... I`d be SO skinny!