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Men are like dogs. We’re excited to see you and have no clue what you’re mad about.
twinkle twinkle little star ... point me to the nearest bar.
Corduroy pillows?... They`re making headlines!....
I can`t decide if people who wear pajamas in public have given up on life or are living it to the fullest.
I`m not homophobic, I love my house!
My bank called because they noticed ‘highly suspicious activity’ on my charge account. It was for a gym membership.
I hate it when I’m singing along to a song, and the artist gets it wrong.
The hay in baby Jesus`s manger came from Christian Bales.
Never scratch your a$$ with chocolate on your fingers.
All you need is WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn`t move and it should, use WD-40. If it moves and shouldn`t, use the tape.
Paintball is much more fun when the other people at Walmart don’t know we are playing.
I don`t know why it`s necessary to get a glass dirty, when wine tastes perfectly fine straight out of the bottle.
Full disclosure: All my statuses with less than 3 likes were made by my intern.
Did you guys know that turning up the radio fixes almost all your car problems?! Crazy.
I won employee of the month!!!…. again! I love being self employed.