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You and I are just different. And by different I mean you`re stupid.
So those numbers on sports jerseys are how many people each player has killed or what.
Is it just me, or does this gravy I made taste like scotch? Anyway, best Thanksgiving EVER!
Somewhere in America, a woman has a baby every 47 minutes. We`ve got to find this woman and stop her!
Dear future husband, here’s a few things you need to know If you want to be my one and only all my life. I will not be an ex wife .. only a widow
I was called sexist today. So..i said i think ur mistaken...its pronounced sexy! LOL
When you`re a kid, you hate those moments when there is absolutely nothing to do. As an adult, you live for them.
It`s that time of year again, to reflect and remember how much I love my tax deductions. Kids... I meant my kids.
I wish Facebook wasn`t the only place I could block people from my life.
"People should just mind their own business," probably the funniest thing I`ve ever read on a social networking site.
Idea: maybe the police force for a town of 20,000 shouldn`t have access to weapons you ordinarily need cheat codes to get
You know you drank too much last night when you have to use google maps to locate yourself the next morning.
Even hoarders throw their chapstick away if someone else uses it.
If I make you breakfast in bed. A simple `Thank you.` is all I need! Not all this `How did you get in my house?` business!
Did we try giving the government a snickers?