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I bet my road rage would be taken more seriously if I spoke German
Whoever is bringing me the 3 dozen donuts each morning, thank you. But could you just leave them on my desk and not in the break room?
If you don`t think of 50 different ways to murder your boss every morning on your drive to work you`re probably the boss
People say that marriage is a job...marriage is not a job, its a hobbie!! Dating while you`re married...that`s a job!!
I don’t need a reason to do stupid things, just a venue.
You don`t have to dress like you`re a handbag, unless you are Lady Gaga.
When Life rains on your parade, get out the Slip-n-Slide.
Always end a conversation with "gotta run" so people think you`re into fitness
I stopped paying my car payments to concentrate on my dream of appearing on a Repo show.
You are not stupid, I just think you have bad luck when thinking.
Spontaneity is great ... as long as I have a plan.
My package finally came today. this is awesome....it means I have bubble wrap to play with
My wife just bought a $50 bottle of shampoo. So guys, party at my house this weekend because apparently we won the Lottery!!!
What is it about a car that makes people think we can`t see them pick their nose?
I`m tired of making the same mistakes over and over again. Does anyone have any new mistakes I can borrow?