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I just love having sex with you...Next time I hope you are there with me.
If running away from my problems counts as exercise then yes, I work out a lot.
I worry about people who write "taken" in their bios. Where did they go? Who took them? Why aren`t we helping to find them?
I like it like that
Before I die I`m going to eat a bag of popcorn kernels. My cremation should be spectacular.
Dear whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office – I will track you down. You have my Word.
We get it people on Facebook. You`re married, you have kids, you`re happy. Calm down.
Note to Self: In future interviews, don`t say "Safe in your strong arms" when the employer asks where I see myself in 5 years.
Sixth in line to the throne takes on a different meaning when you’re not in the royal family but in a dive bar.
Did anyone else go into a furious, violent rage when they found out that George Lucas filmed most of Star Wars here on Earth?
If you can´t convince them, confuse them.
How can you tell if someone went to the gym? Don’t worry, they’ll tell you.
One dog was admiring another dog`s leash, and said, "I admire your restraint."
When I think of all the money I`ve spent on booze in my life, I wish I had it all back. Imagine all the booze I could buy!
It`s only a matter of time until "Security cameras of Wal-Mart" become a hit reality show.