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Don`t do anything you`re not prepared to explain to a paramedic...
World Cup Soccer? If I wanted to watch someone struggle to score for 90 minutes, I`d go watch some of my single friends at the bar.
I heard someone say their podcast was on "hiatus", guess that sounds better than "my mom took away my laptop".
Don`t you just hate it when people say stuff in thier status that you really didn`t want to know? I hate that. Anyway, I gotta go poop. Talk to ya later.
I just wanted you all to know that I’m leaving Facebook. This ride has been a blast and I’ve made a ton of friends who I really do consider friends in the truest sense. Your humor and wit is amazing. I’ll miss all of you, but I’ve decided I need to spend more time with my family. So... see you after breakfast
I`m looking for a new personal trainer, the last one didn`t work out
My hatred for Nicki Minaj probably stems from my fear of clowns.
Can Walmart be a feeling? I think that`s how I feel today.
It`s a shame that stupidity can`t be converted into a usable energy source.
Comcast is doing home security now so if your house is being robbed they will get the police there on Tuesday between the hours of 8 & 12.
As long as everything is exactly the way I want it. I`m totally flexible.
Whoa. I just did something & almost forgot to document it on facebook. That was a close one.
"Do you have a charger?" is the new "Could I bum a cigarette?"
I used to think paramedics were ghost doctors.
I could eat a bowl of alphabet soup and crap a better status than yours!