Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If you are hotter than me, wouldn’t that make me cooler than you.
So vegetarians eat vegetables... I think I`m going to play it safe and avoid humanitarians.
pudding... thats always a funny word
Sitting on my hand until it gets numb so it feels like someone else is folding my laundry.
pumpkin for sale, slightly used
The phrase "Go see your Ford dealer" means something completely different in Canada than the United States.
When I think of all the money I’ve spent on booze in my life, I wish I had it all back. Imagine all the booze I could buy!
Sorry I said "What is it?" when you showed me your baby.
Gift cards are still the best way to say "I`m too lazy to think of a good gift and I think you`ll buy drugs if I give you cash."
You may think it`s bad grammar but I assure you it`s just laziness.
Some days should come with a warning label: This day is going to suck, bring alcohol.
The best job ever? Sleeping Beauty at Disney World. You just lay down all day. If anyone bothers you, it’s like excuse me, I’m working here.
CPR is the human version of blowing in to a video game cartridge hoping it`ll work again.
The best government job has to be assigning names to secret operations.
If at first you don’t succeed, try doing it the way I told you to.