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My girlfriend said we can`t hang out this weekend because she doesn`t really exist.
Looks like Waldo got on the malasian plane.. well played waldo.. well played..
I`m an outdoorsy kind of guy, I like to drink beer outdoors
I put my phone on airplane mode, and it dragged me out of my seat.
If at first you don`t succeed ... I just lie and say I did.
For years I thought hitchhikers were just complimenting my driving.
The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a flat tire.
That awkward moment when the mosquito is more interested in persistently banging it`s head against the windshield of your vehicle in an attempt to escape your presence than it is in trying to bite you. #feelingunattractive
When hipsters replaced hippies, we lost free love and drugs and got skinny jeans. Worst. Trade. Ever.
Big shout-out to slugs! Those little guys are out there everyday, doing all the same stuff as snails but without helmets.
Every time I hear the phrase, "Fire at will!", I can`t help but wonder, "What did Will do?!"
Don’t judge me until you’ve walked a mile with my shoes….shoved up your a$$.
I’m not a sore loser ... thanks to Vicodin.
Everyone please stop doing crimes because sirens are too noisy.
I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey but i turned myself around and THAT`S what it`s all about