Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
You know when you`re exercising and feel like you could keep going and going? That`s happening to me, only with beer.
I maybe wrong but I doubt it.
Very productive day today, turd-wise
The only complaint I have about being married is being married.
I want to put a bib on a baby that says "This dumbass put my cape on backwards." lol
25% of of the women in this country are on medication for mental illness. The other 75% are running around untreated.
My parents weren`t exercising all of those nights.
Ahh, Spring. When the days get longer and the dresses get shorter!!
I`d like to share my innermost thoughts and feelings with all of you, but I`m afraid they`ll be used against me in a court of law someday.
I thought "twerking" was short for "networking". I really embarrassed myself while giving that presentation to the company`s Board of Directors.
Never underestimate the power of cleavage.
Just another day of not being rich and famous.
When I think of all the money I`ve spent on booze in my life, I wish I had it all back. Imagine all the booze I could buy!
I`m at the point in my life where "friend with benefits" just means a person who gives me their Bed Bath & Beyond coupons.
Today we salute Vodka~ruining family reunions and supporting hilarious `hold my drink` moments for 50 years...