Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
United States is where moms get a day and shark get a whole week.
As I said before, I never repeat myself.
I may love you...but everyone else thinks you suck! I was kidding... I think you suck too.
If it rains on a dream catcher, does that make it a wet dream catcher?
Doctor: Do you drink alcohol? Me: Why? What`ve you got?
Just because I`m awake doesn`t mean I`m ready to do things
You can correct people`s grammar or you can have friends. But you can`t do both.
When googling something, I always use Caps Lock so that the people from Google know it`s urgent.
How does Ice-T order an Iced Tea without sounding like a douche?
Whatever Mom, IF THAT`S EVEN YOUR REAL NAME!!!
So you mean to tell me a stress ball isn`t for throwing at people who stress you out?
Parenting is no different than a bear attack. Curl up and play dead and they usually leave you alone.
How is it that one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box for me to start a campfire?
I live in a madhouse, ruled by a tiny army, that I made myself
I broke up with my girlfriend by e-mail. I don`t know what upset her most, the fact that I did it by email or the fact that I cc`d my new girlfriend who wanted proof.