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Do I have to wake up? I just woke up yesterday.
I don`t need glasses ... I drink straight from the bottle.
PRINCIPAL: are you the new english teacher? TEACHER: yes i are.
My greatest fear is standing on stage in front of millions while my Google search history is read aloud...
A new study has found that women find it seven times easier to read men’s facial expressions than men have reading women’s. That’s mostly because we’re not looking at their faces ...
So you constantly feel sorry for yourself and feel the need to tell everyone all about it. I can’t imagine why he left you.
Pick a woman with wits. Wits will never sag.
Send a man to the store to get 5 items, he will come home with 4. Send a woman to the store to get 5 items she will come home with 54. Its science.
If heat makes things expand, then I don`t have a weight problem ... I am just Hot!
Today is a great day. The mailman just delivered me an Iron Maiden cassette, which finally fulfills my Columbia House commitment.
Remember when people had diaries & got mad when someone read them? Now they put everything online and get mad when people don`t.
I wish people were like Internet videos and you could tap them lightly to see a clock of how much longer they`re going to be talking.
All units be on the lookout, suspect is armed with hunky shoulders, soft eyes and dreamboat hair. I don`t even remember what he did anymore.
If people would moan loudly during a pat down, the line would move much quicker.
We could learn a lot from bees. Organization, productivity, community sacrifice, stinging people who annoy us.......