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Everytime I see “ROFL”… I think of Scooby Doo trying to say “waffle”.
Why didn`t Spider-Man`s enemies just move to a city without skyscrapers?
Life is too short to be kissing the wrong a$$.
Stop complaining about being single. We have bigger problems here. Like why McDonald’s doesn’t serve breakfast after 10:30.
You know it`s good advice, when your still confused afterwards.
The final stage of adulthood is when you start saying, "Oooh, that breeze feels nice."
Change is hard. Seriously, have you ever bit a nickel?
Boss: Where`s the progress report I asked u for. Me: I haven`t made any progress, that`s my report! - What I imagine it`d be like if I had a job
"Dora" only rhymes with "Explorer" if you`re from Long Island, New York
If someone says they`ll always be there for you...make sure you find out exactly where "there" is.
At this point Washington DC is basically just an elaborate promotional stunt for Grand Theft Auto V.
WARNING::World Health Organization says radiation from cell phones may cause cancer. Please text everyone you know about this.
So you have 820 friends on Facebook and yet no one was around to take your picture when you decided to use the mirror for a good shot?
Always carry a knife. You never know when cake might happen.
I don`t mean to brag... but I`m a pretty damn good peek-a-boo opponent