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Almost time for my nightly foursome......... Me, my bed, my pillow and my blanket! What the hell were YOU thinkin` you perv!!!!!!
If your Facebook post requires me to hit “continue…” get a diary.
People who don`t know what they want should not use the drive thru!
When people with multiple personality disorders are about to die, whose life flashes before their eyes?
Is it true that the older you get the crazier you become? Or is that just me?
My worst fear is seeing one of my statuses marked as "exhibit A"
I should be able to take a sick day if I am sick of the people I work with.
"Why do you hate me"? I say as I attempt to hold my cat like a baby
I don’t know what my neighbor’s name is and we’ve been neighbors too long for me to ask.
The grass is always greener over the septic tank
My kids will be mad at me when they discover it isn’t illegal to talk in the car while I’m driving.
My coworkers will stand around confused during a fire drill but the office turns into the Hunger Games when there`s lunch brought in for everyone
"What`s wrong?" "Oh it`s personal" Then, why`d you post it to Facebook.
It’s not drinking alone if the dogs are home, right?
In other news millions of facebook user suddenly got their law degree