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"I have almost $67 in the bank!" sounded a lot more impressive when I was 12.
I just had a conversation with my-self...but it just turned into an argument. I think it`s that time of the month...
Why didn`t Spider-Man`s enemies just move to a city without skyscrapers?
u smile i smile u laugh i laugh u cry i`ll go get a bat and say who`s gonna get it
Saying that your company has been in business since the 1800`s isn`t a selling point. Slavery existed then too...
There are no problems which cannot be solved through suitable application of high explosives.
This Halloween, the only Candy I`m interersted in swings from a pole and has daddy issues
I hope Breaking Bad ends with Jesse waking up from a dream in the middle of Mr. White`s chemistry class.
You can tell a man`s age by how close their socks are to their knees.
If Santa doesn`t bring me something good I`m going to pee in his lap like I did when I was eight.
You`ll never see me on Hoarders because I can`t afford that much sh!t.
Walking out of a store after not buying anything and thinking, “try not to act like a criminal, try not to act like a criminal”
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
If your friends don’t make fun of you, they’re not your true friends.
My goal weight is,"someone give that girl a cheeseburger."