Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I like to sit outside on campus at night in my 1940s clothes and when people say things to me, I say "You can see me?"
Women can brutally and methodically destroy your life. But they let you see their tits along the way so it`s totally cool.
I`ve decided that I`m an ass man. Don`t get me wrong, horses are beautiful. They just aren`t as cute as donkeys.
I`m not saying my doctor is young, but he just texted me "2mer is B-9, woot!"
I can read your mind, your thinking about sex right now, no wait, wait.. that`s my mind, sorry, I can read my mind. . .
We all have that one person we forever regret giving our phone number to.
When do you take 5 hr energy? Right when I get off work ..12am!..beer here I come!
Yoga is a great way to meet and embarrass yourself in front of women
I don`t have any skeletons in my closet because I bury my victims in the backyard!
My bed is half full - Lonely optimist.
I’ve never met a weekend that I didn’t like.
If we aren`t meant to have late night snacks then why is there a light in the fridge.
People say I`m too patronising (that means I treat them as if they`re stupid).
Dear iPhone, Please stop changing my rude words into nice ones. You piece of shut.
When I`m CEO of Subway, employees will no longer be called "sandwich artists." They will be "sub humans."