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A lot of people are very competitive when playing stupid.
I just ran 3.5 miles in 30 minutes! Ha! Just kidding, I ate some ice cream.
I lost an ibuprofen under my dresser a week ago and now I`m worried the spiders are coming after me with no headaches and renewed vigor.
I`ll call it a "smart phone" the day I yell, "Where`s my freaking phone?!" and it answers, "I`m here! Under your jacket!"
Liking something on Facebook instead of commenting is like nodding at someone in an elevator instead of saying hello.
Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! -Librarians arguing
It`s only a 4 way stop if each driver can read
I don`t know if I should tip the bathroom attendant, or charge for letting him watch...
Here`s a joke for all you mind readers...
The only thing worse than sitting on a cold toilet seat is sitting on a warm one.
Dear future husband, here’s a few things you need to know If you want to be my one and only all my life. I will not be an ex wife .. only a widow
Woke up to my teen cleaning the house for "no reason" and now I have a mystery to solve.
Insomnia improves your math skills. You spend all night calculating how much sleep you`ll get if you "fall asleep right now".
I really don`t get Astrology but I just hope my daughter stays a Virgo until she`s at least 18.
Why is it called Boob Sweat and not Humiditties?