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Can`t wait for Daylight Saving Time to end this weekend so the clock in my car will have the correct time.
Happiness is using an ATM and finding a receipt left behind by someone with an account balance lower than yours.
Dang girl,, Are you a Snickers bar? Because you`re so sweet and satisfying and surprisingly long lasting,, hold up,,,, are those nuts?
Todays hot tip: Boomerangs and Attention Deficit Disorder don`t mix.
"I don`t care if you think it sounds gross, that`s what we`re calling it" -Guy who named the sweater.
This town is about as exciting as watching an M&M melt in the sun.
I`m doing the KFC Bucket Challenge!
Am I the only one who would like to see Punxsutawney Phil bite off the finger of the person that wakes him up every Groundhog Day.
that akward moment when you finish doing your thing in the toilet and you realise there is no tissue
Everything is legal when the cops aren`t around.
The best nights are those when it never crosses your mind to update your Facebook status.
St Patricks Day, when you can eat lucky charms dowsed in beer and everyone thinks..great idea!
When you are dead, you don`t know you are dead. It`s pain only for others. It`s the same thing when you are stupid.
Describe yourself in 3 words". "Not good at following instructions"
Dear whoever is playing sweet child o` mine at 2:30 in the night at full blaring volume to disturb the whole neighborhood......NICE!