Daily Silly Status

I`m on this great new diet where I spend all my grocery money on strippers.

I got this new calorie counting app ... Every day I go for a new high score ... Winning!

I used to like my neighbours, until they put a password on their Wi-Fi

The best things in life are free, but they still screw you on shipping.

I should probably be in a relationship just for the supervision.

Sleeping is so difficult when you have a world awake in your phone.

There’s always that one person that catches you doing something weird.

Miley Cyrus and Justin Beiber were both answers on Jeopardy tonight. The end is near........

Apparently, 4 people die every year trying to put their pants on... - me, explaining to my (ex)boss why I went in with no pants

The bad news is I don’t know what I’m doing with my life. The good news is I no longer give a crap.

Didn`t have to do much to end my last relationship...she first told me that "opposites attract"...then a couple of days later she told me i was handsome, kind, smart, funny and loving...

You call it camping. I call it getting drunk with insects.

It`s okay I`ll text myself back.

And I was like “No, Coke is NOT ok. I wanted a Pepsi.” And she was all “Sir, 911 should only be dialed for real emergencies.”

To the individual who sat outside in their car, across the street from our house, at 530 am and had Led Zepplens Immigrant Song blaring at full volume, I have one thing to say to you! AWESOME CHOICE DUDE!!!!!!!