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I shook the vending machine until my chips fell, so yeah, I’m a hunter-gatherer.
Roses are red Your thong is pink Cover that up You`re not as hot as you think.
Beheaded our snowman to let winter know we mean business.
Muffins – for people who don’t have the guts to order cake for breakfast.
I thought the voices in my head actually liked me until I found out they learned sign language just so they could talk sh*t about me.
I`m about as lost as lesbian on ChristianMingle.com
Now it`s too hot to take down the outdoor Christmas lights.
I like to take, long, romantic walks, to the fridge. <3
There should be an observation deck at Walmart.
The problem with you is ... you exist.
I just missed winning the lottery by only 6 numbers.
The fact that you don’t find me amazing doesn’t bother me at all, it just confirms what I have suspected all along; that you have bad taste.
Can you make garlic bread out of frozen waffles? Asking for someone who wishes they had remembered garlic bread at the store.
I met a guy exactly like my father so I brought him home and my mom shot him.
At my age, my biggest fantasy is to sleep through the night without having to pee every two hours.