Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Imagine how frustrating it would be if Tic-Tacs were individually wrapped
Alcoholic? No. Self-appointed booze quality control technician? Yes.
I f*cking hate you. Hope that clears things up.
You know you are getting old when people keep telling you how young you look.
And then I was all: “I’m really getting sick of your shit, bitch.” And then she was all: “To speak with a representative please press 7.”
Every day can be Friday if you`re really irresponsible.
We get it people on Facebook. You`re married, you have kids, you`re happy. Calm down.
You`ll never see me on Hoarders because I can`t afford that much sh!t.
Sometimes my life feels like a 40 year long episode of Punk`d...
If my house is clean, it means that Facebook is not working.
Instead of going to Starbucks, I make my own coffee, yell my name out incorrectly, and then light a $5 bill on fire.
I have a drinking problem. When I tilt my head back to take a drink, I can’t see my computer screen.
People who get offended on the internet are the same people who take mini golf seriously.
Moral compass? Is there an app for that?
I just slid off the couch and lay on the floor for a while and eventually sat up without using my hands, is that a yoga class?