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79% of accidents happen in the home....... Finally, good news for the homeless
Good job with the heavy sighs, guy behind me, that should definitely help speed up the line.
Since I`m getting older I`ve been thinking about my health. Should I work out 2 hrs a day like Jack Lalanne who was 96? Or smoke cigars like George Burns who lived to be 100?
I have cat-like reflexes. If I hear a loud noise, I keep napping.
I don`t remember anything that happened, but I may have had a drink or two...
Send a man to the store to get 5 items, he will come home with 4. Send a woman to the store to get 5 items she will come home with 54. Its science.
I have a bad habit of laughing at inappropriate moments.
Just had a fight with my alarm clock. It wanted me to wake up, I disagreed. Things got violent. Now the alarm clock is broken and I`m wide awake. Not sure who won.
i forgot how to put a status ... can anyone help me ?
We all have that one friend that needs to learn how to whisper.
Facebook keeps telling me people are following me. But, every time I look behide me there`s nobody there? Why does facebook keep lying to me?
Love your neighbor. But don`t get caught.
A lot of people don`t know this, but you can quietly like or dislike Obama.
Life gave me onions ... Onionade sucks.
Guys just want a virgin porn star and girls just want a dangerous safe guy.