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I`ll never have a kid as cool as the one my parents did…
So if one was to type ‘idiot’ into Google, would your picture come up?
What do you call a woman with big breasts who doesn`t make sandwiches? A compromise.
Working from home means I save money on train tickets and pants, but spend more on vodka and pizza.
What I learned from Titanic was that you need to have sex as soon as possilble with the person you like cause you never know what might happen.
I wish you could Google anything. Like, "Where is my phone?" and it would be like, "It`s under the couch, dumba$$."
A new study suggests that a future study will completely contradict this study.
A guy at work calls me "Partner" and another guy calls me "Chief". Apparently we`re playing Cowboys and Indians and I`m a double agent.
Well, all I have to say is TGIF. (Post this on any day but Friday to get comments)
I like to reward myself for getting up on time by laying in bed for another 20 minutes.
Bad news, guys. Throwing a cat through a wall doesn`t make a funny, cat-shaped hole. jk
If he only wants you for your breasts, legs, and thighs; Send him to KFC by SIMO
There`s a Bullying Support Group meeting, tomorrow night at 8 ... You`d better f*cking be there.
How easily you`re offended is directly proportional to how dumb you are.
You haven’t truly won an argument until the other person says “whatever.”