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Why do TV shows say "May contain nudity"? It either does or doesn`t. Don`t make me watch the entire thing and find out the hard way it doesn`t....
You health nuts are gonna feel real stupid when you`re laying in the hospital dying of nothing.
They should have cell phone chargers in waiting rooms instead of magazines.
I went to the bank and said I`d like to open a joint account. They said "With who?" I said "Anyone who has a lot of money!"
The awkward moment when you have 10 tabs open and cannot figure out which one the music is coming from.
I`ve found if you tuck one part of a pants leg into your sock, people expect less of you.
lol I rotfl
Secret Admirers are just stalkers with good PR.
I think the only way I`ll ever be motivated to go to the gym is if I`m in prison.
How long do I have to stand in front of the microwave for to become a member of X-Men?
I`d get lost less frequently if GPS would say "no, your other left."
I just heard someone say "I can`t wait for 13/13/13" .....let`s take a moment and pray for this dumbass
I party like a rockstar. A very poor rockstar who isn`t in a band.
They say 1 minute of kissing burns 26 calories. No wonder sluts are so damn skinny.
My husband told me he needed more space ... So I locked him outside.