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Why does the need to pee intensify by million when you are trying to unlock the door to your house.
Tonight’s forecast. Mostly drunk with a slight chance of passing out.
Relax, we`re all crazy. It`s not a competition.
Reminiscing isn’t as fun as it used to be.
I`m watching a show about surviving in the wild in case I ever decide to log off and go outside.
The doctors say im going to be ok. I must warn you the dyson ball cleaner has a very misleading name.
Some people want to get in shape before they go to a gym. Which is the equivalent of losing weight so you can go on a diet
I really need a day inbetween Saturday an Sunday
I just found love.....its on page 369 in dictionary
There`s no way to look cool when the doctor walks into your exam room just as you`re blowing up a rubber glove.
Women only call me ugly until they find out how much money I make. Then they call me ugly and poor.
Is it just me, or is Fantasy Football basically Dungeons & Dragons for jocks?
I hate being bi-polar. It`s awesome.
Pointing out the food you just dropped on the floor to your dog because you`re too lazy to clean it.
Don’t get me started. I don’t come with brakes.