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Welcome to my Facebook wall. Straight jackets are on your left, meds are on the table, and if you hurry, you can still get a seat in group therapy . . . have fun!
Nothing improves creativity like a lack of supervision!
When I arrive at work, how long can I spend screaming in my car before it becomes weird?
Sometimes after a nap, I like to take another nap.
Don`t care what your religious or political beliefs are, if you`re male or female, young or old. I will tackle you hard for that last donut.
is having some serious PMS: Parked Motorcycle Syndrome!
Thanks for calling me to tell me you just sent that email
I regret buying that straight jacket now. I thought it would look good on me but I just couldn`t pull it off...
Best grilled cheese ever!! All I did was add a hamburger patty.
You don’t truly know someone until you see how they react to their bag of chips getting stuck in a vending machine
I was sitting on the toilet when the guy in the stall next to me started smoking. Disgusting. I nearly couldn`t finish my sandwich.
"Spring Ahead" this weekend for Daylight Saving Time proves there is a much quicker way than Facebook to lose an hour in your life....
“I’m not washing it, I’m just gonna shove it in a pony.” If you’re a girl, that sentence is actually ok.
I wonder if birds look at planes and think "man, I`ve really got to hit the gym"
80% of my life is pulling percentages out of thin air and stating them as facts...