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I sent one of those swabs off for DNA sampling. Apparently, I`m 50% Crest, 25% Denture fixative, 13% kebab, and 12% Rum.
I log off because I`m bord... I log on 5min later because I`m bord
Want the truth? Just ask a kid.
My wife can find a stain on my shirt from across the room but can`t see the mailbox when she`s backing up?
Some people are just bad news!!! Those are my favorite!
If it wasn’t for profanity, I wouldn’t be a pro at anything.
Sometimes the only reason I leave my house is so when someone asks about my day I don’t have to say “Netflix and avoiding responsibilities"
"Never pick a fight with an ugly person. They`ve got nothing to lose." -Robin Williams
It’s called sarcasm, and it confuses stupid people.
I don`t know what I`d do without coffee...Probably twenty five to life in the state penitentiary.
Nothing makes me more productive than the last minute.
I have an eating disorder; I`m about to eat dis order of fries, dis order of wings, and dis order of nuggets.
If I ever start a band, I`m going to call it The Voices in My Head. Think of all the fun ways you can tell other people what you`re listening to...
I haven`t seen any new Bigfoot pictures in a while... I hope he`s OK.
I was going to give you a nasty look but I see you already have one!