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Why I don’t like people: 1% logical reasons. 99% just because.
I party like a Rockstar. A very poor Rockstar who isn`t in a band anymore.
I´m not lazy, I´m just highly motivated not to do anything.
Sometimes “Girl`s night out” means she has just taken her bra off
Patience is not about how long you can wait, but how well you behave while waiting.
Why can’t they make the whole week out of Saturdays?
Sorry I liked your status, I was cleaning my phone.
Attractive Woman: What time is it? Me: Haha. Yeah definitely
The doctor said I need to drink more whiskey....Oh, by the way... I`m calling myself "the doctor" now.
The zoo is a pretty safe place to fart.
I`m probably not going to get accepted into the optimist club.
Shouting "Not it!" should still make us exempt from doing anything that we don`t feel like doing.
I think that a lot of conflict that happened in the Wild West could`ve been avoided had architects in those days just made their towns big enough for everyone.
Scientists are saying that social media is making us less accepting and more aggressive. Whatever, a$$holes!
When I`m CEO of Subway, employees will no longer be called "sandwich artists." They will be "sub humans."