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I’m not the type of person you want to put on speaker during a phone conversation.
You can make your life more entertaining by simply reaching out, and getting to know a whore.
The average person farts 14 times a day. Finally, I`m above average at something!!
Contrary to popular belief, it`s actually the fat that makes you look fat. It was never the dress
Tomorrow the world shall be ours! Until then, good night my evil minions!!
Seriously, how can it be considered stealing when my neighbor’s WiFi signal was trespassing in MY house? I’m the victim here!!
only fights if pillows are present.
The batteries in my electric toothbrush died before I finished. I`ve never sympathized more with women in my life.
I love this oscillating fan, 5 out of every 15 seconds.
Cool things about being a turtle: 1. Born with a free house attached to you 2. Super chill 3. Could potentially mutate into a ninja
cofeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffee... Wheeeeeeeeee!
Exercise? I thought you said "extra fries".
My head says go to the gym. My heart says food.
I am a Mother hear me roar.....especially when my kids decide to make a kite out of my granny panties and fly it down the street.
The last time I went to a nude beach I got a ticket. The officer said I was applying my sunscreen...Too Fast.