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I thought Match .com was a place to arrange fights to the death, but turns out it`s a website to find love. So I was close.
Trying to learn Mandarin Chinese but the amount of money I`m spending on fortune cookies is getting ridiculous.
Stall Cleaning service, Satisfaction guaranteed or 100% or you manure back!
My husband is not allowed to help with math anymore. Apperently 4 = 6.5 in his reality.
Has anyone donated any money to ALS? All these ice bucket challenges I been seeing makes me think ... you all some cheap bastards
"Okay" means you`re in the clear. "K" means you`re better off not coming home. Fellas, you know what I`m talking about.
You know it’s cold outside when you go outside and it’s cold.
The only thing I`ve learned from my mistakes is that I make a whole bunch of them
It`s always quiet on here at the weekends, it`s like you people have lives or something...
A real man should never wave faster than he says the word “hey”
I’m sorry for what I said when I was hungry.
I can eat a piece of pie without a plate or a fork what else should I write on this dating site profile?
Accidentally went grocery shopping on an empty stomach and now I`m the proud owner of aisle 7.
So I met an Egyptian ... they walk just like us.
I wondered how smokers could afford them, until I realized they don`t have to save for retirement..