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It`s kind of funny how so many people think that being gay is a choice but being fat isn`t
I have every episode of Hoarders saved on DVD.
I don`t like thinking before I say something. I like to be just as surprised as everyone else by what comes out of my mouth
Mythbusters is basically my childhood with a much larger explosives budget.
I don`t know what is longer. A microwave minute or a treadmill minute.
My bucket list: 4 drumsticks, 2 thighs, 2 mashed potatoes with gravy, and 2 biscuits. Extra crispy.
Women who say the quickest way to a man`s heart is through his stomach, have not seen his browser history.
Never make the same mistake twice, There are so many new ones, Try a different one each day.
Women want a lot of things from one man. Conversely, men want one thing from a lot of women.
When my kid grows up they`re not aloud to date until they`re married.
I am hungry 25 hours a day
You seem to have a good grip on reality. You`re new here, aren`t you?
No thank you, I don`t need a coaster. I won`t be putting my drink down.
I only use the outdoors to get to another indoors.
Optimistic people want to hear the bad news first, while pessimists ask for the good. Realists just start drinking.