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You`d think this moron wandering around the lot would give up after 10 minutes and push the alarm button to find their car ... But I won`t
I knew the fun part of my life was over when my friends started getting pregnant on purpose
I have over 500 facebook friends, and i want to say that i love you all...except for number 376 ..you`re a real a@@hole!!
Stretch pants are like Wonder Bras for your butt cheeks
Why are we still testing on animals when there are pedophiles in prison.
The most important part of being on a gluten free diet is telling everyone about it.
My pants are 75% off.
Going to tattoo shop to get both legs fully covered. Before he touches me with that needle, I run off yelling `thanks for the free shave loser!`
How many HA’s equal a LOL? How about a LMAO? Is there a conversion chart somewhere?
The success of a marriage hinges entirely on the ability to know which of your wife’s clothing is okay to go into the dryer.
Society: Be yourself. Society: No not like that
You want me to smile? How can I smile when 28% of Americans aren`t getting enough fiber?
Dropped my son off for his first day of kindergarten today. Does anybody know what age you`re supposed to pick them up?
I think a clear conscience is really just memory loss.
Are walruses just vampire manatees?