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I wonder what “don’t touch” is in Braille....
A friend of mine asked what it`s like to raise a small toddler so I coughed directly in his mouth
I just burnt my tongue on my food. It made me realise that it’s the ones we love that hurt us the most.
If you say "I slept like a baby" in front of me, I`ll ALWAYS assume you woke up every 2 hours, pissed yourself and cried for your mommy.
I like to log into facebook and leave a status just to show I`m here. Or am I?
Shout out to bees, willing to kill themselves just to inconvenience a hater.
I don`t know why people say "your guess is as good as mine"? ..because my guesses are always better. ;)
Best grilled cheese ever!! All I did was add a hamburger patty.
Life before the internet was awful. Your friend would be wrong about a trivial issue during dinner and you just had to let it go
When you drink alcohol you are just borrowing happiness from tomorrow.
Sorry I missed your call. I took too long to answer because I was dancing to the ringtone.
They say a dog park is a great place to pick up girls. I don`t have a dog so I am walking around with a bag of poop so I won`t look weird.
You know what the trouble about real life is? There`s no danger music.
How Big is Infinity?
I`m going to spend Valentine`s day with my ex.... Box 360