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My credit rating is so bad I got turned down for a magazine subscription.
The more you know. Daylight Savings started back in 1964 when Jerry Daylight Savings was an hour late for work & convinced his boss all the clocks were wrong.
Valentines day
When they say all expenses paid, does that include bail?
We spend 33% of our life sleeping, 33% wanting to be asleep and the rest apologizing to women.
Everyone always talks about the early bird. How about the early worm? How´d that work out for him?
We all have faults. It`s just that mine are better than yours.
If guys were smart, they’d forget the nightclubs and watch the supermarket for girls who buy frozen dinners and cat food.
How long do I have to stand in front of the microwave for to become a member of X-Men?
I’m glad we don’t have to hunt for our food any more. I don’t even know where sandwiches live...
that awkward moment when you`re alone somewhere and trying to take a picture of yourself.
Life gets expensive when you trust a woman that`s cute.
Roses are cars, violets are buckets. This poem makes no sense. Eyeballs.
I have a confession to make... "I want to get back with my ex"...LOL Just Kidding..."I`d rather shit in my hands and clap !"
My dog takes so long to sh!t I can`t believe he`s not out there playing Candy Crush.