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My doctor said he`s been practicing for 30 years. When will he start doing his job for real?
Mom: How are your grades this semester? Me:.... Mom:.... Me: Mother what`s important is that we have our health
On a math test: 2+2 = ? Me: *Use calculator just in case
May you live to be so old that your driving terrifies people.
Awkward moment when you don’t know if you were offered gum out of generosity or if your breath stinks.
I’m drinking while I work out…I call it Bacardio.
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I don’t have time for the nervous breakdown I deserve.
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Golf is such a strange game. You shout four, shoot six, and write down five.
I`d engage you in a battle of wits, but I`m afraid you`re unarmed.
Did you know , that if you use asterisk , you can do anything you want ? * gets on a t-rex and gallops away into the sunset *
If sex between 3 people is called a Threesome and sex between 2 people is called a Twosome... Why is Handsome still a compliment?
Can I get likes for no reason?
I`m at my most cardio when I am moving the treadmill into storage